The Truth About Your Ex…(And Why You Attract Unhealthy Relationships)

black couple

So, it’s over. You’re sad, heartbroken, and tender. Or maybe you’re glad it’s over and you finally feel free. Either way, a part of you looks back and thinks, “WHAT. Was. I. Thinking!? I wasted my time. How did I even end up with that kind of person?? Some partner s/he was. SMH.” Then comes the list of allllll the things you didn’t like about your past lover and how you will never date someone like them again. But be careful as you run that list off, for you are revealing your own character. Because the truth about your ex is, they are a reflection of you.

Huh!? How….

Well, we attract our most predominant thoughts, beliefs, and feelings. Our life and relationships are a physical manifestation of our thoughts and expectations. And your ex is (or was) a reflection of what you believe about love and partnership. A mirror of what you feel about yourself and what you believe you deserve.

No matter how horrible the relationship was and the type of person you remember your ex as, they were a reflection of what you believed about love. That doesn’t mean you deserved a toxic relationship or to be treated badly and it certainly doesn’t mean you are some how responsible for who your late lover choose to be. It just means someone came into your life and mirrored back to you what you believed about yourself and relationships. Reflection is simply the way of the Universe.

If you keep finding yourself in unhealthy relationships over and over again dealing with the same type of problem just a different person, then my love you have to get deeply authentic and raw with yourself to reveal your core beliefs. You are only attracting who you are being and what you are feeling. If you want to let go of destructive draining relationship patterns, then the answer is not a new girlfriend or boyfriend – it’s changing what you attract by renewing your mind and transforming your beliefs and feelings. Example. If your ex was neglectful and treated you like you were unimportant, ask yourself, do I treat myself like I’m unimportant?? In which ways do I neglect my own needs, shut my own opinions down, or put myself second? Do I inwardly, on some level, reject myself? What is my earliest memory of experiencing this dynamic? Basically, identifying why you are agreeing to stay in a relationship where you feel unimportant. Or unloved, disrespected, embarrassed, disregarded, or whatever repetitive issue you experience. Understand, how you treat yourself is what you will attract – it’s what you will allow. 

So don’t focus on your ex and who they were or were not. Focus on which beliefs you are carrying that attracted you two together. No matter how awful you recall the relationship, you two were a vibrational match.

Notice, this has nothing to do with your ex! It’s not about blame or justifying behaviors. This about YOU owning your power to create the love and life you desire and deserve.  This about you having the courage to take responsibility for your part in the relationship and how you attracted, and stayed in a relationship that didn’t honor you. It’s time to shift your vibration towards the kind of relationship you really desire – first within. Otherwise, you’ll end up right back with the same type of person, just with a different name.

Give gratitude for the lessons you’ve learned and even for the good times you two shared. And then let it go. Love yourself as deeply as you wish to be loved. You can have a healthy loving relationship, but it must first start with you. And then, you will attract a lover who loves you just as much as you love yourself.

Light and Love,


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