Restoring the Black Family

Black family

Restoring the Black family is not a one size fits all. No one solution can be the answer. Our family structure was not destroyed and divided through one method, and cannot be healed through one method. Everyone will offer different perspectives, opinions, and experiences, and each are valuable and a part of the total solution. Some may say we should focus on our education while others may say understanding our true history is the solution. However, it takes energy from all tiers of life: financial education, mental health, physical health and food, education, history, spirit, identity, and other areas to heal.
The perspective I’d like to offer is this:  To restore the Black family we have to begin open dialogue about our own family dynamics, habits, and experiences in order to heal them. Reveal to heal. To end generational curses of abandonment, abuse (physical and verbal), guilt, control, shame/shaming, rage, disrespect, lack, rape, betrayal, and so forth. It’s intense to think of the burdens and secrets some people carry in the name of ‘family’. Walking in fear of addressing traumas and challenges because bringing them to the surface feels like going against the family. But tell me, has holding it all in helped? Releasing that burden and acknowledging your truths is step one. And afterwards, maybe you don’t feel led to have this deep conversation with your folks. It may not be time. Or, maybe you will see fit to talk face to face about your experiences.

Restoring the Black family starts with restoring ourselves. Then, not expecting others to change on your schedule but creating boundaries with those who drain and harm you until you feel led to have a different interaction. It’s not cutting them off, disowning them, it holding yourself responsible to protect you. Healing the little you and giving yourself the love you needed. I know it seems unfair to have to “fix” yourself from someone else’s wrong doing. As kids we believe our parents are superhuman until we realize they are just human. And that’s okay! But you do not have to continue destructive family patterns just because it’s all you’ve know. You don’t have to hold pain like a badge anymore. You don’t have to wait for someone to apologize in order to be free. You can become the example the little you needed now.

What perspective do you have to offer that can restore the Black family? Comment below or feel free to email me! 🙂


2 Replies to “Restoring the Black Family”

  1. I would first like to say that what you’re doing here is awesome and a step in the right direction for the black family.
    Now for my perspective. I believe one key to restoring the black family is love. In that I mean we have to teach ourselves first how to love and not hate. Just as you mentioned on your page in the piece about ‘you’re not your pain, you’re not your past’. Once we learn to love then we can teach our children, the next generation, how to love. Can’t teach someone something you don’t know yourself. We have to learn to love regardless of what someone has done or not done to/for us. It’s worthy to mention that loving does not mean ignorantly leaving oneself vulnerable to future hurt, but acknowledging where that person fits in our life and not holding on to the hate/pain/hurt of the past. This philosophy comes from the bible

    2 Thessalonians 3:13-16 (ESV) As for you, brothers, do not grow weary in doing good. If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother. Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.

    Liked by 1 person

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