Have you ever met someone who blames eeeeverything on somebody else? Whatever is wrong, it’s never their fault and out of their control. Even when people mistreat them, they feel there is nothing they can do about it. They may fuss but ultimately they won’t do what is necessary to confront and change the situation. Or, someone who always tries to control and manipulate others? Everything has to be their way or the highway. They want you to do, be, and mold into their wishes in order for them to be satisfied. Believe it or not, the person who gives their power away (the compliant) and the person who takes power away (the controller) both have the same issue: they lack boundaries. When we lack boundaries, we give away our power to create our life.
I had this issue once, more specifically in romantic relationships. I gave away my power by making my partner responsible for what was only in my control and taking on what was only in his control. I thought, if I was unhappy, it was his job to fix it, change it, or move his life around my needs (super selfish). And, if he wasn’t happy I should do the same. Naturally, I ended up drowning in this codependent relationship. I realized that growing up this kind of behavior was normal to me. Not right, just normal. “If you love me like you say you do, then you’ll do whatever it takes to make me happy and vice versa.” Obviously this isn’t love. It’s a form of control. It’s fear. Fear of being abandoned, rejected, and vulnerable. It’s a lack of security. And truthfully, SO many people function this way, and don’t even realize it…
That’s where boundaries come in. Boundaries defines what is my responsibility and what is yours. What is in my control and what is not. What is in your control and what is not. Not just in romantic relationships but in ALL relationships. It defines ownership, limits, and space. Just like the yellow lines in the road, boundaries help protect and guide.
So what is in your control? Your words. Your actions. Your feelings. Your beliefs. Your habits. Your attitude. Your mindset. Your emotions. Your choices. Fulling your desires and needs. Your consequences good or bad. Your behavior. Your response. Your decisions. Your outcomes. Your efforts or the lack of. Your ideas. Your happiness. Your dreams. Your life. And you can not control these things for others.
When we attempt to make others responsible for the above, we lack boundaries. When we let others make us responsible for the above, we both lack boundaries. Do you understand how this creates chaos!? How this gives away your power?? All kinds of havoc is wrecked when we make others responsible for our life. When a boundary is being crossed, say something! Stop silently getting mad at people. Stop saying yes when you really need to say no. Stop people pleasing. Say what is and what isn’t okay for you. Stop taking on more projects when you know you need to rest. Say no without feeling guilty. Develop the courage to do what is best for you even at the risk of disappointing others. It’s not selfish, it’s self care. Be clear, calm, and honest about what you think, feel, want, and need. Those who truly respect you will respect your boundaries.
Boundaries also include the strength to respect what other people think, feel, want, and need. Respecting their no’s and limits. We don’t manipulate people to make them do what we want, because we believe all of our needs are met through The Most High and that the quality of our life is our responsibility. This is freedom.
Don’t get me wrong, hearing no can be disappointing but tempting to control others will take you out of your boundary and create frustration, distance, and resentment. Allow people to do things because they want to, not because they feel obligated. And remember, there is no ‘no’ that will stop you when your trust is in Source instead of people.
Have an issue with boundaries? Spend daily time with God and ask to see all the ways you lack boundaries. Whether it’s crossing them or allowing yours to be crossed. Ask for clarity on how to release this pattern. Take responsibility for your happiness. Do what makes you feel good. Understand what is in your control and what is not. Set clear boundaries in your relationships. Speak up when your boundaries are being crossed. Say what you think, feel, want, and need while allowing others to do that same. Take back your power.
Light and Love,